Friday, 5 July 2013

Blog: Loneliness

The feeling of being alone in a room full of people is very familiar to me. And it's such a waste of our time and space, that among billions we suffer from loneliness. 

»Even without indulging in unwholesome behaviours, Dr. Cacioppo and others have shown that loneliness can impair health by raising levels of stress hormones and increasing inflammation. The damage can be widespread, affecting every bodily system and brain function.« - Source

And I know a lot of lonely people, the ones who would need that special someone. A relationship that would have a strong emotional bond. The lethality of loneliness – and how it can ravage our body and brain – was an interesting read.

»what’s most momentous about the new biology of loneliness is that it offers concrete proof, obtained through the best empirical means, that the poets and bluesmen and movie directors who for centuries have deplored the ravages of lonesomeness on both body and soul were right all along.«

»A key part of feeling lonely is feeling rejected, and that, it turns out, is the most damaging part.«

»And yet loneliness is made as well as given, and at a very early age. Deprive us of the attention of a loving, reliable parent, and, if nothing happens to make up for that lack, we’ll tend toward loneliness for the rest of our lives. Not only that, but our loneliness will probably make us moody, self-doubting, angry, pessimistic, shy, and hypersensitive to criticism. Recently, it has become clear that some of these problems reflect how our brains are shaped from our first moments of life.«

They say that the key part of feeling lonely is feeling rejected, but I'd put it a bit differently. I think it's more about not being heard. At least for me (something that probably shows in my poems)... It's more painful not to be heard than being rejected. Maybe with years I started valuing peoples’ company less and less. It’s not that I don’t have any friends, it’s just that I miss being heard. I miss someone to push me further. To evolve. And it can get kind of draining. To have a feeling with some people like it’s you who’s trying too hard, and then you just leave... It’s funny how some people consider you a friend, although they may have not spoken to you in months. Are most of our relationships just acquaintances’? 


I mentioned in one of the previous blogs that I’d like to read Calvin and Hobbes. It just so happens that I saw “It’s a magical world” in a bookstore and I bought it. Here are a few parts from it:

Best way to deal with loneliness is through animals, at least that’s what I believe (I fear when I’m old I’ll be the lady with the cats). Last night I received a kitten and after weeks of chaos, I feel peaceful. I’ve never met such a gentle, affectionate and peacefully kitten. He’s just like me, only cuter. He liked the name Ollie, so that’s what I call him now. Previous kittens I’ve met where more aggressive, they scratched a lot... but he’s such a delicate soul, when he plays with his claws it’s like someone taking a feather over your skin. 

It also surprised me how much he loves company, he has to be around people. I had lunch with him on my lap and he didn’t even try to eat my food (well, maybe it wasn’t all that delicious to him) or jump onto my plate. I do hope he stays the same. It’s very comforting to have him around. It’s like those people whose existence is enough for you to smile. It’s that person who knows what to say to fill the hole in your heart. It’s the best antidepressant drug.


  1. Wonderful post. You stated everything perfectly.
    Then there are those who might already have a special person or "soulmate" - and yet are almost still as lonely together (so 2x all that you said).

    1. that's even which case the thing that holds a couple together is fear of being alone alone, yet they suffer from loneliness together. well, if the kids are involved, I'd understand. But I've came across few lonely couples without kids... I think that lately there's been more talk about loneliness than before, and I don't know why, is it because more people "suffer" from it, or are we just more open to talk about it... as if we finally understand it?

  2. Yes, there are couples like that(definitely) - those who stay together or ARE together just for the sake of not being "alone", but have little truly and deeply in common with each other (or who even dislike each other; a "partnership" of convenience - which is very common, although not often admitted. What I was referring to are those who are fine together; soulmates through having a common aesthetic and worldview and who have a genuine mutual respect for each other as individuals - and yet suffer(almost) the same lonliness and friendlessnes *together* for their lack of being more mainstream. As for couples who stay together just *for their kids*, I honestly believe that works to do more harm than good for their children.

    1. oh, yes, now I see what you mean. Can relate to that.
      I don't know, I've seen couples who stayed together for the kids, but their relationship didn't "harm" the children.

  3. And yes - most "friendshipes" ARE merely acquaintances...with one person or the other (and sometimes both)in denial of the fact. :(