Blog: Ending

It's been ages since I started this blog. And it has taken me on an adventure. I was totally in a different space back then. I am grateful for all the people I've met through this platform. Makes me grateful for the technology we have. But since I have children I've neglected it, and now when I've been active on Instagram and gotten more followers and more importantly more feedback, a sense of belonging to a poetry community... It has become quite useless to post here. Especially since last few months it seems spammers are at it.

I've published my third poetry book, and I was really proud of it, but now that I've started writing more, I've distanced myself from it. I've been thinking about the fourth one. But I have to answer some questions for myself first. Why do I keep writing? Why is there something in me that needs to write and needs to share it? Why when this road leads to nowhere? It takes time, energy, even money for publishing and buying your own copies, but in the end, it doesn't matter, rarely anyone appreciates that. My self esteem for my poetry is cracked from the very beginning, because I've never received any good feedback from fellow writers in Slovenia. Strangely, I've always had the belief that nobody will understand me in my country. And that seems to be the case, although I wish it were different.

Sometimes I wish I could live from writing alone. I'm at the crossroads and I have one year to figure things out, to find a new job.. and it kills my heart a little, because I will probably leave health care system. Because I'm a midwife. Because I can't find a job closer to home in midwifery. I never thought we are so hard to be employed! And when I look back to my studying years and all I've been through.. it breaks me. I loved it. I saw myself in it. Even though I've ended up working basically just in gynecologist office, I think I've gotten good at it. And it's hard to leave. 

Anyway, writing my troubles to nobody.

Off to new adventures, off to pick my pieces back together, off to raising some resilient children.

Publishing: Wanderers

 

Explaining why would be futile. It has been my life for 24 years and almost 10 years since I last published my second poetry book. Still words fail me trying to describe the feeling of silence before pen touches paper and words running their course. Every writer knows it takes cracks in your heart for ink to run over the empty pages. I’ve constantly searched for human voice in this vast universe. “Wanderers” is a bit different, short in numbers but bigger in emotions.

It’s available as paperback or ebook: https://books2read.com/u/bW8KOY

Available on Amazon: 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CSZF2LNR

Poem: Explore the hidden caves

 

We’re all just children of the universe. When I say just,

I don’t mean to belittle the role. There is stardust

running through our veins. Our mind a galaxy of wonders.

Yet we’re so caught in the stagnant beliefs and standards

of living we think we need. Our bodies grow up,

and we abandon the spirit of the child living within;

yearning to play, sing, discover, jump, climb,

dance, create… who told you to leave that joy behind,

to hide your true beauty, to diminish your light?

And to exchange it for what?

There is endless power within you,

to relive your past and rewrite

your emotional signature. To heal

and be stronger than before; to let

the light shine through the cracks;

to explore the hidden caves of your

own heart, for you don’t know

the depths of it; to feel all the colours

that reside in there; to let go

of your demons and let

the butterflies loose… and breathe

the future in.

*

Poem: Firefly

 

Poetry prompts autumn

 

Poem: How to heal these wounds?

 

There are doors you wish to never open.

There a paths you wish never to walk.

It’s been raining inside of your heart.

Darkness of you days consuming your thoughts.

You’ve been a prisoner of your own silence.

You whisper into the dead of the night:

“How to heal these wounds?”

Unwrap and unfold, let go of what

you’ve been holding on to.

Do you know the courage of turning a page

and letting go of all that you knew?

When you walk down the crossroads,

wondering which path is yours to take,

remember our lives flow like a river.

It hurts because it matters.