Tuesday, 8 October 2019

Poem: All the Love

We're rushing through days 
as we'd swim through the waves coming at us
Running in this rat race, 
catching glimpses of a life wanted
Waiting for signs of approval outside
- instead of within
Figuring out where you stand
and what you still can do
Building your own space under the sun;
Where you can find peace
Capturing moments,
trying to make good memories
So we have something to live on,
once we run out
We're fighting one bug after the other, together alone
And as I exchange one sleepless night for the other
My old life seems unrecognizable now
I stop and see right in front of me,
proof of how time moves on
As you come near, and hug me
with your little hands
I find all the love I've ever wanted to feel
Exists right here in this moment


Monday, 15 April 2019

Poem: On motherhood

nobody tells you, or if they do point out
that it's gonna be hard, you kind of think
"Well, I'm ready and prepared."
but the truth is... you have no idea
how hard it's gonna be
how the world is gonna change
how you're gonna look back and won't recognize
your old self anymore; you're lost
in this space where you miss your past
but don't really know who you have become
regretting all the worries you had,
because now they seem small and unimportant
wishing you'd enjoyed and achieved more,
because now those goals you had
are on hold, and plans change by the minute
everybody else is making you feel guilty
because they idealize motherhood,
but you know there are days
where you'd like an hour by yourself,
or even just a moment to catch your breath
but most days that won't happen,
especially if nobody has your back
or you feel too selfish to ask for help,
because you'd feel guilty for not
enjoying this ideal picture
and you didn't think how lonely it can get
it takes all of you to take care of a baby
drastically growing in front of your eyes
you can't help but wonder "when did this happen?"
and how the time flies, wishing you could go back
and relive some moments, like the moment they were born,
when the smiled at you for the first time, laughed for no reason,
sought comfort in your arms and hugged you real tight...
it's you they know and have known all their little lives
you are their world and you try as you know how
nobody is born to be a perfect parent
we all learn as we go through
nobody is ready for the bond that starts growing,
for the love you feel and the days you never thought
would be like this, but the sad or happy truth is
whatever you are going through, this too shall pass
and become a memory, and as they say "it will be hard,
but it will be worth it."

Friday, 16 November 2018

Quotes and images

I've put together some quotes from the poems of the last four years along with some of my best photographs. Life has quite changed for me, but I still enjoy creating, although I do it much less now... I do hope some of you will take the time to look at it and maybe like what I've done :)

Wednesday, 26 September 2018

Poem: To my first born

As I look down at my protruding belly
signs of being stretched and skin like jelly
there's a brown line separating at half
inside was your first home
and I find myself missing
feeling those kicks of your tiny feet
and wondering how you will look like

As I look over the belly,
there's a thin, straight, surgical line
through which you were born into this world
It looks small to me now,
but something amazing came out of that scar
Still I keep wondering
why it had to happen like that

I've waited days, weeks, months
to finally see you; though the waiting
seemed long and never-ending
it took just a few moments to hold you close

Let me not forget your littleness
the tiny fingers that wrap strongly around mine
the little toes already eager to run
and how your head full of hair
fits perfectly into the palm of my hand
and I don't want the feeling to let go

You start to discover the world surrounding you
with your hands and feet, one kick or stretch at a time
a rainbow of branches spreading on the sky
you float away in every direction
with each new heartbeat
like an eagle you wait your time
to discover new heights

On a small thread of hope we build dreams
like castles; one thing about time is true,
it moves fast and forward
My finger touches your belly button
connecting us - can't understand
why anyone would let the connection die
or not appreciate this miracle of life
which we all are.

 You know, when you make plans and deadlines? Well, it rarely goes as planed. I've had my mind set to write more, but I have a feeling the most productive years are behind me, at least for some time. You think you know how it will feel, but you have no idea. All the feelings and emotions that go on through your mind... but through it all, you love your child and always want to make it better for them than it was for you. To make their lives better and more meaningful. And you wish you could've made more with the time you had, but all we have is now. And to be honest, as everyone knows, now is the most important time.

Sunday, 7 January 2018

Poem: Dancer in the dark

you're a dancer in the dark
not knowing what and who you will become
floating in the ocean like an astronaut
pieces of stardust flowing through your blood
of a story that started long before knowing
like ripping out a page, burning it to dust
and let wind to take its meaning
what you're here to endure will be revealed along the path
we're here to hold our sadness to each his own
but may you not follow what others will lay out for you
may you look yourself in the mirror and recognize
your true self looking back at you
others will force their expectations upon you
and deep inside you'll know you won't be able to achieve them
being contradictory and ever-changing
which may leave you confused and wishing for something
to fit into an idea not yours
the thing is though, most people have no idea
leading a safe life in order to survive
don't be busy with living or days will pass you by
leave you empty yearning for something more
don't force too much of yourself, or if you do, ignite!
dive into the flame and keep it burning

Tuesday, 7 November 2017

Blog: Even if you fall flat down on your face... least you are moving forward. That's a good motto. It's hard to pick up things, where I've left of. One of my biggest regrets this year is for not writing more, but on the other hand, there are so many other things going on, that I don't mind it that much. So the dust seeps through, like the sand in a sand clock.

When I look back on the things that happened this year it seems like a long time ago, yet the weeks go by like somebody is just snapping with his fingers. Now that makes me sound old. But does the time go faster as you get older??

Let's start with travelling... In May we went on a short road trip Austria - Italy and back to Slovenia. First we visited Lago di Fusine in Italy, then we visited Pfarre Thorl Maglern on the way to Arnoldstein Abbey. The next stop on the way was Wissensee and a long walk. On the way we saw an interesting little village of Lass and took another walk, it was calm and beautiful (they have a marked themed path with different local features, like petrified trees). We stayed in pension Lesachtalerhof in Liesing, which has an amazing view, kind owners and a very comfortable bath and shower. 

The next day we hiked around Liesing and local forests and hills. We also took a drive to Lienz to see the castle and to the Tristacher See. We only drove through the Obertilliach, but the scenery was amazing. On the third day we went through Maria Luggau to Innichen abbey and we were back to Italy. We stopped at Lago di Dobbiaco (lovely scenery), Lago di Landro and finally we reached Lago di Misurina at alt. of 1754 meters.

At Lake Misurina
Then we were of discovering different mountain passes, like Passo Tre Croci at 1809 m, and we arrived at Cortina d'Ampezzo. We found another lake - Lago di Valle di Cadore, and we were off discovering even more passes, like Sella Ciampigotto at 1790m, Sella di Razzo at 1760 m, Sella di Rioda at 1800 m, that's where the snow started to fall. 

And we made 80 km more than we planned, since the road was closed like 5 km before we would reach the village we were supposed to spent the night. On the way we saw yet another lake - Lago di Sauris. Finally we reached a small little village of Pesariis and we spent the night in Casa Pesarina - a really lovely studio apartment and since it was May, we were the only visitors there. Through the village you can see all sorts of different clocks and how they developed. The local economy is centered on watch production; despite its small size, it is one of the most important Italian centers for watch production, and hosts an important Museum of Clocks. 

We hiked through the village and the local hills and then we where on the way back to home land. On the way we stopped at some interesting sceneries like Torrente Raccolana, and found a fountain - Fontanone di Goriuda. There were more mountain passes on the way, like Sella Nevea at 1190 m and Predil Pass at 1156 m. We also stopped at Lago di Predil, Koritnica and the final stop was Bovec.

In summer we went for a week to the sea, we stayed in Starigrad, Croatia in Pension Kiko. It's really close to national park Paklenica as well, so we had a lot of opportunity to hike and then take a swim, which is a perfect combination! Paklenica is where they also shoot Winnetou.

In August we visited Minimundus:

And Vrbsko jezero or Klagenfurt See and went onto Pyramidenkogel.

As for sports, for now I've run 865 km and hiked abour 230 km this year. I've participated in three organized runs: Nočna 10ka in July (I think it was my third time), Milanja trail with 17 km in June and Bovec marathon with 22 km in September.

We had good weather at Milanja Trail, despite being a bit windy on top. The feeling was great, the people around where kind and encouraging. I was diagnosed with patellar tendonitis last year and it took awhile to solve it. But by June the knee was working perfectly.

Bovec marathon was ... wet. Very much so. But luckily in the beginning it only showered a bit, the storm came when I was half done. Still the lightning and thunder were a bit scary. It was also the first time I ran in rain, so in the end I was really satisfied I was blister-free and that my choice of clothing was correct so I didn't get a cold. 

But I guess it wouldn't be me if I didn't get at least one injury per year. In July I fell again and one small rock really liked me and it bit me on the palm. On the picture above you can see the things I've used and am still using for the scar to get even better. The picture shows the progress of three months. It's really amazing our bodies can heal so.. it comes in handy.

At Ratitovec
In previous blogs I've also talked about IBS and the food sensitivities... and this year I've read a lot about LCHF diets and ketonic diets.. and surprisingly, my body strives on such a diet, IBS symptoms disappear. But maybe more about this later when I have it all figured out ;)