Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Poem: Stream of consciousness

note follows a note
like night follows day
rusty old piano
still ready to tell a tale
but I fear I don't know
the keys anymore
what will we
achieve in this lifetime?
I wonder who will walk
behind me, trying to finish
all the ideas I failed to create
all the stories I failed to write
all the poems I kept inside
it's easy to judge the past
when looking at it from the future
how it steals us from the now
the long hours spent
being locked inside
your own shell
ever noticed what thoughts
became a part of you?
how some words
became a comfort zone?
some evenings it pours,
pours down in your mind,
the things that could've been
the moments you could've lived
leave a different taste of the days
maybe find a way to best describe –
the rhythm of the hearts you miss
the warmth of a loved one in your bed
the scent of your newborn in your hands
the way you felt happy when you
stretched the limits of your body and mind
the freedom you find when you acquire the void
the constant yearning to hear the music
and just dance in this universe
of possibilities and dreams
 Sometimes you hear a song, and thoughts just pour out; it's that simple.

Saturday, 19 March 2016

Poem: This world is our playground

Wood creaks in the wind,
the cold sweeping
through the walls
blazing sunrays
painting the evening skies.
All the places your mind
wanders to in dreams,
staying with you like a reality
you once lived through.
All the scenarios you feed your mind;
unknowingly you change
the colours of your everyday emotions.
How much does the shadow weight?
Does it drag you down on the floor –
or does it lift you up?
What kind of messages did you store
when you were young?
What went through your head -
as you were searching
for that person you should be
as if the community knew,
as if it was written
somewhere for you to follow.
When all along, it has only been written in you.
Then you come to realize the freedom,
which at some point,
might have suffocated your mind.
You can't outrun
what happened; it follows you.
Which path you choose
is only up to you to decide.
There are two worlds -
we chase each other through.
One in which we act as mirrors
and walk towards whatever satisfies us.
Second, where we get lost
in reflections of the first one
in our minds.
And whatever we do, we die twice.
This world is our playground,
leave something meaningful,
make a change,
                before you exit.

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Poem: Back room

I woke up cleaning your back room
picking up the pieces
of the mess you made
trying to take what was mine
and erase myself from the past
some things in life are simple
like yes or no, like go or stay
I wish I knew then
the game you were playing
the way the choices you would take
will make me question
my own reasoning and blind trust
it could have been easy
every mans happiness depends on himself
time heals but it never gives back
the things that could've been
we run, chasing the ideas
we paint in the mind
not sure if they are true or false
we say what we want
leaving the other person
to determine if it's the truth
shake of the dust
of the wrong rooms
you’ve been trapped in
and take notes not to
enter them again

Blog: On soul and food

I haven't been an active blogger or a poet. Time sure flies when you're busy. I haven't been running as much I as I thought I would. But I injured a ligament around the knee in January with swimming and it took a bit of resting to get it healed. March and April will have to be more active, if I want to run a half-marathon in May. I haven't been in the right mood for poetry writing, I do have some work in progress, but with everything going on, I rather go to sleep in the evening. The last of my guinea pigs, Izzy, died few days ago, so it's a little bit more quiet in the room and in the hallway.. there's no cute rodent around to poke. He was six years old, which is a good age for a guinea pig, and he was also the only one who never needed to go to the vet. I'd love to have a cuddly furry bunny, but not at the moment.
I've told you what I haven't been up to, now let's move to the things that I did. For one thing, I attended a course in sports massage, and I quite enjoy doing it. I've read a really interesting book, one of those that really pull you in and you can read it one sitting. It's called The Soul's Code – In search of character and calling by James Hillman. I'll share a few lines with you:
On loneliness:
»To guard against these moments we have philosophies that explain them and pharmaceuticals that deny them. The philosophies say the uprooted and hurried condition of modern city life and impersonal work have created a social condition of anomie. We are isolated because of the industrial economic system. We have become mere numbers. We live consumerism rather than community. Loneliness is symptomatic of victimization. We are victims of a wrong way of life. We should not be lonely. Change the system – live in a cooperative or a commune; work in a team. Or build relationships: »Connect, only connect.« Socialize, join recovery groups, get involved. Pick up the phone. Or ask your doctor for a prescription for Prozac.«
On love:
"The Spanish philosopher Ortega y Gasset says we fall in love on few occasions in a long life. It is a rare and fortuitous event, and it strikes incredibly deeply. When such love happens, it is for no other reason than the singularity of the object. Only this person. Not attributes and virtues, not voice or hips or bank account, not projections left over from earlier flames or hand-me-down family patterns, simply the uniqueness of this person whom the heart's eye selected. Without that sense of fate in the choice, the romance of the love doesn't work. For this sort of love is not personal relationship or a genetic epitasis, but more likely a diamonic inheritance, a gift and curse from the invisible ancestors."
I have a lot of books on my shelf and on the computer to read, if only I had the time. As I wrote in the last blog, I'm discovering how to heal IBS. I've been trying to do so in the past, but I probably found wrong solutions. I've talked about the importance of gut microbiome. I've been making water kefir for a while, now I've received Kombucha and Sourdough.
Kombucha is fermented tea. To make kombucha, tea is brewed, sugar is added to the tea, and then a microbial community is added to the tea. This community is usually a giant slimy blob that goes by many names: mother, SCOBY (for symbiotic community of bacteria and yeast), and pellicle.
Sourdough bread is made by the fermentation of dough using naturally-occurring lactobacilli and yeast. Sourdough bread has a mildly sour taste not present in most breads made with baker's yeast and better inherent keeping qualities than other breads, due to the lactic acid produced by the lactobacilli.
Many who are gluten sensitive can eat bread made from sourdough, since the bacteria breaks down gluten and it's easier to absorb. I'm happy to report that so far so good, my guts are finally getting better :) Also, a doctor specializing in food sensitivities has recommended a FODMAP diet. I've never heard of it before, but once I read about it, it made much sense and all those bad times started flashing back.
The Australian group has produced strong evidence that a group of short-chain carbohydrates, named FODMAPs (Fermentable Oligo-saccharides, Di-saccharides, Mono-saccharides And Polyols) are problematic for those with IBS. These short-chain carbohydrates are poorly absorbed in the small intestine and rapidly fermented by bacteria in the gut. The production of gas by these bacteria is a major contributor to symptoms.
In the small and large intestine, the small FODMAP molecules exert an osmotic effect, which means more fluid is drawn into the bowel. FODMAPs are also rapidly fermented by colonic microflora producing gas. The increase in fluid and gas distends the bowel. This can cause the sensation of bloating and abdominal pain or discomfort, and affects how the muscles in the wall of the bowel contract. It may cause increased forward movement (peristalsis) leading to diarrhea, but in some people, it can cause constipation.
It is important to appreciate that malabsorption of FODMAPs occurs to the same extent in healthy people and is a normal phenomenon. It is only in irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) that gut symptoms are induced more readily. The reasons for this may include:
a)       The way the muscles of the bowel respond (motility) to the distension: They could result in faster or slower passage through the gut.
b)      The gut is “hypersensitive” to changes in the gut environment and to interactions with the nervous system and immune system within the digestive tract: This means that IBS individuals are more likely to perceive pain at a lower threshold when distension of the bowel is present compared to healthy adults.
c)       The type of bacteria in the bowel: The bowel bacteria might produce larger amounts of gas or there may be increased bacterial numbers in the small intestine (called small intestinal bacterial overgrowth or SIBO) so that more gas is produced in the small bowel. Distension of the small bowel can cause increased abdominal discomfort, distension, and bloating.
It also makes sense why I'm fine when drinking whiskey, but regret beer and wine ;) good thing there's ginger beer though. I hope some of you may find some use from this information. And it's always so, it works if you want to change. Now I'll sink my fingers in ink ;)