Saturday, 31 December 2016

Poem: Lifetime Warriors

We're multilayered. Like a colourful woolen sweatshirt.
Not everyone can see, how many layers we carry -
for we hide behind them like a shield.
Since we know the world can be a lone, hard and cold place -
we hide for fear of being seen. We fear that people will get to know us
and abuse us for their own purpose. Most of all - we fear being hurt.
We express ourselves through words and deeds;
Still there is much being unsaid, which only flickers
somewhere in the distance - inside our eyes.
We find comfort looking at the night sky,
because answers wait there for us.
There is a lot of difference between every hello & goodbye.
The one that comes last, always hits the hardest.
Regrets of things undone sweep in - they can fill a book.
Here and there life reminds us of the true purpose.
We're still discovering ourselves, the multitudes that surround us;
Searching for meaning of our lives, between the work that we do
and the bills we have to pay, and the things we wish we were doing
or wish we'd had. All the things we're so afraid to do and to be -
afraid to love,
afraid to be fragile,
afraid to show our skins,
afraid to shed our masks,
seems so minor and foolish when you stare into the abyss.
We shouldn't love for a reason, when the reason disappears, so does the love.
We're chasing each other through the plains of stardust
time does not exist there.
Deep inside we know who we are and where we come from -
we make arrangements of the parts and lessons we will give each other.
Not really knowing how it will feel, the path we will endure.
When our hearts collide together it feels like jumping into the fountain of peace.
There is something so familiar when skin touches another skin.
We're warriors, and we roam these endless fields,
writing our stories. Each and every one unique. In it,
we're never alone. Touching and crashing into each other.
Lifetime, seems a fleeting moment. No one can really die,
             if they stay in our hearts.

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Blog: Keep calm and run on

Ollie, so easy to love
2016 -  A year that Chernobyl generation turned thirty. When you're a teenager, it seems such a long way ahead, and how old you will feel, but once you get there, you don't know what all that fuss is about. Few days ago I saw a quote on Facebook, that goes something like this "When you take up running you say 'I run'. After a while you say 'I'm a runner'". It feels like I reached that part. Beginnings are hard, but our bodies are well adapted to running or to say it better "we are born to run". 
This year I ran about 790 km, biked 130 km and hiked 160 km. I participated 2 organized runs of 10 km. I got 3 minor injuries, but one of them was caused by a dog, so it's not all because of my clumsiness. Besides, if the owner would have pulled the leash, it wouldn't have happened. The one injury that worries me the most is patellar tendonitis, since it can take up a lot of time before it gets healed. Here's a link, if anyone else is having trouble with it. And of course it's on the knee that was already operated. I wasn't thinking about it before, but when I look back, that arthroscopy might have been a quick fix, but it may not have been the best option.
Many people still comment, that running might not be good for me, since I have knee problems, but they seem not to know, that running on unpaved roads and forest's path can heal the knees. Since regular exercise actually stimulates repairing of the knee cartilage, for example. I feel the knees start to ache if I take a few weeks off, not that I do, but some injuries demand rest. Knees are such a fascinating joint. Did you know that "The load distributed over the kneecap can be up to 5 times the body weight, particularly on going down stairs."? Mind and body function much better with regular doses of running ;)
Otherwise, this year was very interesting, taught me a lot. I participated in a sport massage course, got myself a massage table, got a new job (the pay is better, but it seems impossible to find a well-organized joy in healthcare system), moved, took up gardening and building. Started a big project and have a few more ideas up my sleeves :) But about time, Enya says it best.

For the end I'll share another video - Ode to joy; for some reason it has a deep impact on me, and I bite my lips not to cry every time I hear it.
A new year, a new day, holds a lot of possibilities, and it's up to us to see them and make them a reality. I wish things to move forward and start changing... and I'm wishing you a happy new year ;)

Sunday, 25 December 2016

Poem: Rat Race

stock photo from pixabay

it's hard to begin, to explain
- to put it simply
when, how and where it all started
but most of all why -------- ?
why have we became selfish mirrors
putting all the importance on ourselves
always running the rat race with no goal
our egos hungry for luxury and power
our eyes blind and closed shut
so easily led astray, somehow comfortable
with our living -- like in a TV set
allowing this machine to continue the massacre
how can we live so comfortably with it?
how can we still turn a blind eye?
when it could be you on the other side
as if it's not in our interest to live in peace together
when will we clear our minds and stand tall
prove that humanity still lingers in our hearts?
have we buried our true selves too deep?
have we learned nothing at all?

Friday, 11 November 2016

Poem: Talk

After the rain of our imagination the leaves vanish
in the moonless darkness, away from sight, they whisper
can't count the nights spent decoding the stream of colours
sweeping inside my own skin, this life paints us
every possible shade and tone
to see the picture you have to listen beyond the silence
it's a shelter to let these written words speak for themselves
for we too often get lost in speech
we say less than we mean to say
and hope somebody received the message through
courage fails us or do words leave us?
we talk, yet who is still listening?
it's like speech has become a way
for us to admire our own voices
we talk and talk, yet we change nothing
our promises aren't followed by deeds
those who listened have become weary
anticipating the moment when we will
have nothing more to say
we like to argue about right and wrong
                justice and equality
but it seems too difficult to choose the harder right
are our real faces hiding behind the clutter
of old ideas, wishes, hopes and mistakes
have they nailed us to the ground
and we lay there comfortably
because we've given up on how it could be?
seasons and years give us opportunities
to improve and to change
and don't stand for less
sit down to talk and listen
about everything and nothing at all
dive deep inside
and bring back the real you -
and be raw.

Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Poem: Years weigh differently in the heart

fiery surface of the river shining against the blue sky
golden pathway leading through the forests
- dressed in the autumn cloak
you may not notice it at first, but mirrors disappear
in the light of the nature at its finest
shadows of buildings haunting the dawning of the day
and I keep on singing the old familiar song about aloneness
lyrics lay on the tip of my tongue, can taste it in a kiss

our history is soaked through and through with blood spilled
yet the oceans remain deep blue and green
of todays' blood maybe the next generations will speak
they will be the judge of the fools we've been
it's up to them to select the books they will believe
much remains unwritten and unsaid
death still scares us, we keep distancing ourselves from it
until it reaches somewhere close to our hearts

how many days do we have to spend
before they are worth something to us?
how do you count the years
when they weigh differently in your heart?
we prefer to value something when we start to lose it
how many paths will we discover
before we find the right purpose of our lives
and decide it's time to follow it

will we ever achieve everything we set our minds to do
or are we just chasing those shadows
of dreams long gone, the ideas
that keep on slipping away
soaked with tears and sweat
how long before you know the role
you were meant to play?
maybe the one you never would have signed for

can you still recall the feelings
of all the masks you threw away
having learned everything or nothing at all
striving to keep the picture together
the over-valued science of being busy,
successful, yet poor in original thought
in the long run, the question is
which memories matter most?
It's a coincidence that this poem came together on the threshold of my 30s, but it's influenced by the books I'm currently reading and the things I keep on pondering.

Sunday, 18 September 2016

Poem: Reawaken

and so it goes…
years accumulate on you
you can tell it
by expectations society holds for you
when you look yourself in the mirror
do you see how many masks you shed?
meaning of old songs still ring true
there's a sadness surrounding -
those dreams you gave up
do you still hang on to fights long gone?
sometimes you feel like a winner
other times life knocks you down
no matter how far you go,
you can't outrun yourself
can you count all the reasons you gave
to excuse yourself
from the pressure of expectations?
they sell love as a piece of paper
and they put guilt on you, if you don't have it
pushing you to bring children into the world
even if they end up in broken homes
no one can know exactly how it feels
to live in your body,
 we are all alone
experiencing tastes in our own way
we pave our roads with our senses
with memories we create
and the future we build
like gardening -
things take time to grow
and patience for a good timing
everything grows at its own pace
bury your heart into the deep of the forest
hear the thumping of feet of the wild wolf inside
- your ancestors whispering in your blood
reawaken to the possibilities you hold

Thursday, 25 August 2016

Poem: In Between Moments

waking up from sleep at 4 pm
thoughts hazy and black
can't put a finger on how long I've been away
feels like coming back from the end of life
pushing me out to do what matters most

there's a sadness all my own
can't explain how lonely it can get
how can we put time linearly
when measuring it feels like
putting it into a cup

some days seem to never end
and others they just fly us by
some moments stay close
and others go down in history
all in all, it's one big mixed cloud of the past

there's a beat coming from the earth
like warm, slow waves of the sea
embracing and calling us in
time is like grains of sand
slowly vanishing into memories

when you walk through
the forest of your reminiscence
you realize the importance
of choosing the people you live with
how they've coloured your days

different imprints they left in the heart
most decisions made are based on the feeling in the eyes
- how they steal
and give
and always speak the truth

how you think about yourself
makes all the difference
the way you carry your soul
either you lift it up to find home
or you suppress it from growing

night driving - miles rolling by
freshly you pick up where you left off
as you choose the next destination
and search for something better
hoping all this would change

soul finds home somewhere in between those miles
those long and heartwarming seconds
that we carry till the ends of the earth
and are only ours to know and experience
leaving a smile on our faces

Friday, 12 August 2016

Blog: Mountains and travel

Feet have been happy running around and climbing hills and mountains. Weeks go by, and I can't follow, summer is almost behind us. Days are shorter and colder, yet there's a lot of energy left to burn, let's just keep fingers crossed for our knees :) These are photographs taken on these wanderings around the hilly surface of Slovenia.

 I visited Rome and Vatican in July, seeing Bruce Springsteen at Circus Maximus, which was fantastic.

I leave you with Triglav, a bit covered in clouds, now I'm off trying to put some of my thoughts into poems or to sleep.. we'll see about that.

Enjoy! :)

Sunday, 24 July 2016

Poem: Enough Care

I've been trying for so long to gather the right words
so it would sound the same in any language,
not to get any meaning lost in translation
everyone has a different understanding
with a different sense for right and wrong
the stories we capture create a ghost town in our lives
unless we make lessons out of them
people cross our path for a reason
under the spell of love it's so easy
to believe lover's lies, yet time
always reveals the right faces
and shows us the fools we've been
others may have seen it all along
and warned us in vain
you can't take back the words and the deeds,
only find a reasoning somewhere beyond the surface
our hearts fight bloody battles
yet they always manage to heal themselves
with enough care
it takes courage to watch the future unravel
free of fears and expectations
in any case, we've got a hell lot to learn

Monday, 11 July 2016

Poem: To find the human

Like a lost cloud in the sea of infinity,
with no connection to any place,
words trapped inside a bubble flow.
There are raging storms in this body of water;
waves rumble in the depths,
shaping the surface from the inside,
guarding pieces that have yet not been broken.
Constantly searching for the calm of rightfulness
Poet stands on the bridge between this reality
and what lays beyond the horizon;
baffled by all the possibilities, extending
dimensions of imagination, to open the eyes
in a world gone blind.
Who does it take to hear the song
of the tales that have long been unsung?
How many layers do we wrap our lives in?
So we can present this picture-perfect scenario
to the eyes of the world,
but loose our own sense of humanity;
What nurtures our dreams?
Living simultaneously as a part in endless stories;
Where do we find a place
to find the human in us?

Sunday, 1 May 2016

Poem: Ought to Permit

these walls have claimed
a right to cling onto me
even if I'd run away,
they would find me
and hold me tighter
to contain me inside
we make copies of ourselves
throughout our lives
many roles you can take on
but always follow through
in the things you teach
we spend our youth
drunk on the idea
that we could live forever
we'd be the first ones
as things start to fly by
we look for a sign of stability
gathering universal truths
this world is full of promises
you can choose to believe
anything you want
but once the mind silences itself
for those who learn to wait
things fall into place
not as you wanted them to be
but as they ought to be

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Poem: Stream of consciousness

note follows a note
like night follows day
rusty old piano
still ready to tell a tale
but I fear I don't know
the keys anymore
what will we
achieve in this lifetime?
I wonder who will walk
behind me, trying to finish
all the ideas I failed to create
all the stories I failed to write
all the poems I kept inside
it's easy to judge the past
when looking at it from the future
how it steals us from the now
the long hours spent
being locked inside
your own shell
ever noticed what thoughts
became a part of you?
how some words
became a comfort zone?
some evenings it pours,
pours down in your mind,
the things that could've been
the moments you could've lived
leave a different taste of the days
maybe find a way to best describe –
the rhythm of the hearts you miss
the warmth of a loved one in your bed
the scent of your newborn in your hands
the way you felt happy when you
stretched the limits of your body and mind
the freedom you find when you acquire the void
the constant yearning to hear the music
and just dance in this universe
of possibilities and dreams
 Sometimes you hear a song, and thoughts just pour out; it's that simple.