Tuesday, 26 November 2024
Book: Whispers of the Inner Child
Monday, 8 April 2024
Blog: Ending
It's been ages since I started this blog. And it has taken me on an adventure. I was totally in a different space back then. I am grateful for all the people I've met through this platform. Makes me grateful for the technology we have. But since I have children I've neglected it, and now when I've been active on Instagram and gotten more followers and more importantly more feedback, a sense of belonging to a poetry community... It has become quite useless to post here. Especially since last few months it seems spammers are at it.
I've published my third poetry book, and I was really proud of it, but now that I've started writing more, I've distanced myself from it. I've been thinking about the fourth one. But I have to answer some questions for myself first. Why do I keep writing? Why is there something in me that needs to write and needs to share it? Why when this road leads to nowhere? It takes time, energy, even money for publishing and buying your own copies, but in the end, it doesn't matter, rarely anyone appreciates that. My self esteem for my poetry is cracked from the very beginning, because I've never received any good feedback from fellow writers in Slovenia. Strangely, I've always had the belief that nobody will understand me in my country. And that seems to be the case, although I wish it were different.
Sometimes I wish I could live from writing alone. I'm at the crossroads and I have one year to figure things out, to find a new job.. and it kills my heart a little, because I will probably leave health care system. Because I'm a midwife. Because I can't find a job closer to home in midwifery. I never thought we are so hard to be employed! And when I look back to my studying years and all I've been through.. it breaks me. I loved it. I saw myself in it. Even though I've ended up working basically just in gynecologist office, I think I've gotten good at it. And it's hard to leave.
Anyway, writing my troubles to nobody.
Off to new adventures, off to pick my pieces back together, off to raising some resilient children.
Friday, 24 November 2023
Publishing: Wanderers
Explaining why would be futile. It has been my life for 24 years and almost 10 years since I last published my second poetry book. Still words fail me trying to describe the feeling of silence before pen touches paper and words running their course. Every writer knows it takes cracks in your heart for ink to run over the empty pages. I’ve constantly searched for human voice in this vast universe. “Wanderers” is a bit different, short in numbers but bigger in emotions.
It’s available as paperback or ebook: https://books2read.com/u/bW8KOY
Available on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CSZF2LNR
Friday, 27 October 2023
Poem: Explore the hidden caves
We’re all just children of the universe. When I say just,
I don’t mean to belittle the role. There is stardust
running through our veins. Our mind a galaxy of wonders.
Yet we’re so caught in the stagnant beliefs and standards
of living we think we need. Our bodies grow up,
and we abandon the spirit of the child living within;
yearning to play, sing, discover, jump, climb,
dance, create… who told you to leave that joy behind,
to hide your true beauty, to diminish your light?
And to exchange it for what?
There is endless power within you,
to relive your past and rewrite
your emotional signature. To heal
and be stronger than before; to let
the light shine through the cracks;
to explore the hidden caves of your
own heart, for you don’t know
the depths of it; to feel all the colours
that reside in there; to let go
of your demons and let
the butterflies loose… and breathe
the future in.
*Wednesday, 9 August 2023
Poem: How to heal these wounds?
There are doors you wish to never open.
There a paths you wish never to walk.
It’s been raining inside of your heart.
Darkness of you days consuming your thoughts.
You’ve been a prisoner of your own silence.
You whisper into the dead of the night:
“How to heal these wounds?”
Unwrap and unfold, let go of what
you’ve been holding on to.
Do you know the courage of turning a page
and letting go of all that you knew?
When you walk down the crossroads,
wondering which path is yours to take,
remember our lives flow like a river.
It hurts because it matters.
Wednesday, 19 July 2023
Thursday, 18 May 2023
Poem: I exhale in the dark blue
I exhale in the dark blue,
listening to the song of the wind,
my heart pounding with emotions,
air bears the wisdom of the forest,
of giants and dragons sleeping;
Moon quietly gazing at her
reflection on the surface of the water.
Sadness dripping in my veins,
I’ve swam in it for years,
it lingers even in my voice.
I inhale the freshness
and ask myself: “If not here, then where?”
It’s not written in any book,
nor can any body else know,
it is inside of me, and out there
for me to find out. There is a red
thread connecting all of my days.
I may not know where it leads,
I may have lost my inner compass,
I may have walked a path that was not mine.
I can smell the magic
which brought me here.
Poem: Paint the sky
She is trying to describe a thought
without using words. The images
she sees are like pools in which
she swims. Belonging only to her.
Never experienced youth, always
felt older than her age. Outsider
in the roles she got. Her heart
is a forest of colourful trees,
every ring on the trunk carries
a short story of a life lived.
Our sense of who we are
is lost in our illusions
of what we think we should be,
what we think other people
expect us to be. Should we wake,
uncover our blindfolds, and open
our hearts to the person we are.
And paint the sky with our fingertips.
Sunday, 16 April 2023
Saturday, 15 April 2023
Poem: Stain glass castles
April rain pouring down with thunder,
caught at a red light; few notes on the radio
and you’re transported into the endless
and careless summer days you’ve had
as a child. Roaming the forests
and meadows in solitude.
You dealt with things as you knew how,
nobody there to hold your hand;
People came and went,
like passengers on the train.
With memories we built
stain glass castles through which
we’ll be looking our whole life.
The colourful shades shadowing
our adult days. Only once
do we walk the path of childhood.
Yet we can revisit anytime;
Peace comes with accepting.
Sunday, 9 April 2023
Poem: The petal rose as butterflies
When you do what is expected,
but that doesn’t fill your soul.
You put your foot, one
in front of the other, following
that desire. Do you have the
answer to the question:
“What is it that I need?”
When you’re always waiting,
always searching a way
to escape this moment.
Brokenly looking for a sign
to find your way.
You’re like a stream train
running, but is this path
truly yours? When your soul
is eager to master the blowing wind
and the raging seas.
Your years forming a petal
rose and they transform
into butterflies.
*
Poem: Your shutter is a window to the past
Memories reside in your mind,
how tangible do they seem?
There is a constancy you feel to
your character; day to day
you don’t seem to change,
yet when years accumulate
you look at yourself and
question who you have become?
The cells that make your body
have all been replaced several
times in your lifetime. The proof
is there in the photographs
you look at; your shutter is a
window to the past – connecting
you to the moments that may have
gotten lost in the room of your mind.
*
Saturday, 1 April 2023
Poem: The space between our hearts
Whenever our eyes met, I saw fire burning in your eyes,
the one which you usually dim for others. When I stood
close to you, I felt as if strings from your heart were opening
up mine; as if you’re opening a book, not to read or write
a chapter, but to make me see me in a mirror, which is you.
Our bodies are carrying cracks – the moonlight shines
through them. We glow ever so differently under ever-lasting
light of the universe. Yet there is something familiar
that connects us. The very cells of our hearts. The
timeless journey of atoms circling in our bloodstream.
The space between our hearts
intangible.
*
Saturday, 25 March 2023
Poem: Dandelion dreams
She couldn’t calm her mind easily. Even as a child,
her imagination roamed on long legs; and her mind
hardly kept up with the stories she spoke. Soft and
fragile, yet strong willed she danced through the days.
Chasing her dreams, which flew with the wind, like
dandelion seeds. Guarding her untamed heart,
healing it every time it broke. Staying true to
herself, not letting others sway her thoughts.
I hope your dandelion dreams get to shine bright,
on the big blue sky; I hope to find you there.
*
Poem: Echos of the past
Memories are echos of the past in your mind,
Captivating you from the present moment,
They give your days a certain weight,
Your heart racing, your breathing heavy,
When you repeat certain emotion.
A moment of what will come next, what will happen to you,
Carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders,
Roaming around, watching where you're stepping,
Days living on autopilot, as if you're willingly caged,
What does it take to lessen
the seriousness of our fleeting existance?
Why do we extinguish
the passion of our wide-eyed children?
Do not silence the child within you,
he is only asking to be heard
and loved unconditionally.
Friday, 10 February 2023
Poem: Some people
Some people are like acorns,
they fall into the unknown grounds,
and with little sunshine and a little rain,
they sprout, without knowing how,
they grow tall and are a signpost for others,
offering a safe haven in the shades.
Some people look at you,
as if they have stars in their eyes,
milky way at their feet, their thoughts
are echoes of the cosmic winds,
touching you deeply and profoundly,
gently guiding others across the night sky.
Some people have a fire in their hearts,
that no amount of water can put out,
it rages with a passion known only to them,
they burn their bridges and their cords,
from out of that smoke a phoenix rises,
again and again, for they are unstoppable.
Some people are a little lost at sea,
soaked by rain, searching for a current,
constantly plunging from a stream to a waterfall,
the secrets of the deep blue ocean are
written in their bones, maybe that's why,
they are a bit restless, always searching for home.
Sunday, 5 February 2023
Poem: of love
Her skin is a shield, yet somehow he managed to reach inside
her heart, with warmth in his eyes and kindness in his
voice.
They are walking their own path, yet they cross here and
there,
as if they are leading in the same direction. It feels as if
it's just
one long journey back to themselves. They know each other's
souls.
She asks into the blank darkness of the night: "Do I
reside in a corner
of your heart?" There is no reply, just a shiver
running through her body.
He is close by.
Poem: The act of leaving
it's not that I've fallen,
but I feel stuck, as if
I've fallen down the fountain,
and my friends are just
echoes of ghosts in the walls
it's not that I've drowned,
but I feel as if, I'm drowning
somewhere deeper into the depths
of the dark hues of the ocean
and I'm neither heard nor seen
it's not that I've failed,
but I don't seem to understand
the game they are playing
as if we're actors in a masquerade
and I don't want to play my part
it's not that I am eager to leave,
but I don't want to be
living like this any longer
we're all growing, and sometimes
it feels as if we outgrow the space we are in
Saturday, 28 January 2023
Friday, 27 January 2023
Poem: I taught myself
how to stand still
while the ocean roars inside
I taught myself
to never reveal everything
for fear of not fitting in
I taught myself
there is beauty
in being who you really are
I taught myself
how to tend to my wounds
for in life you have to take care of yourself
I taught myself
to be stubborn
otherwise my goals will just laugh at me
I taught myself
to think it over
before speaking up
through it all… I never taught myself
how to stand in the light
how to raise my voice not to be shut down
how to spend the time that has been given to me
so that when the time is up, I won't have any regrets.
*





















