Poem: Lifetime Warriors

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We're multilayered. Like a colourful woolen sweatshirt.

Not everyone can see, how many layers we carry -

for we hide behind them like a shield.

Since we know the world can be a lone, hard and cold place -

we hide for fear of being seen. We fear that people will get to know us

and abuse us for their own purpose. Most of all - we fear being hurt.

We express ourselves through words and deeds;

Still there is much being unsaid, which only flickers

somewhere in the distance - inside our eyes.

We find comfort looking at the night sky,

because answers wait there for us.

There is a lot of difference between every hello & goodbye.

The one that comes last, always hits the hardest.

Regrets of things undone sweep in - they can fill a book.

Here and there life reminds us of the true purpose.

We're still discovering ourselves, the multitudes that surround us;

Searching for meaning of our lives, between the work that we do

and the bills we have to pay, and the things we wish we were doing

or wish we'd had. All the things we're so afraid to do and to be -

afraid to love,

afraid to be fragile,

afraid to show our skins,

afraid to shed our masks,

seems so minor and foolish when you stare into the abyss.

We shouldn't love for a reason, when the reason disappears, so does the love.

We're chasing each other through the plains of stardust

time does not exist there.

Deep inside we know who we are and where we come from -

we make arrangements of the parts and lessons we will give each other.

Not really knowing how it will feel, the path we will endure.

When our hearts collide together it feels like jumping into the fountain of peace.

There is something so familiar when skin touches another skin.

We're warriors, and we roam these endless fields,

writing our stories. Each and every one unique. In it,

we're never alone. Touching and crashing into each other.

Lifetime, seems a fleeting moment. No one can really die,

             if they stay in our hearts.

*

Blog: Keep calm and run on

Ollie, so easy to love

2016 -  A year that Chernobyl generation turned thirty. When you're a teenager, it seems such a long way ahead, and how old you will feel, but once you get there, you don't know what all that fuss is about. Few days ago I saw a quote on Facebook, that goes something like this "When you take up running you say 'I run'. After a while you say 'I'm a runner'". It feels like I reached that part. Beginnings are hard, but our bodies are well adapted to running or to say it better "we are born to run". 

This year I ran about 790 km, biked 130 km and hiked 160 km. I participated 2 organized runs of 10 km. I got 3 minor injuries, but one of them was caused by a dog, so it's not all because of my clumsiness. Besides, if the owner would have pulled the leash, it wouldn't have happened. The one injury that worries me the most is patellar tendonitis, since it can take up a lot of time before it gets healed. Here's a link, if anyone else is having trouble with it. And of course it's on the knee that was already operated. I wasn't thinking about it before, but when I look back, that arthroscopy might have been a quick fix, but it may not have been the best option.

Many people still comment, that running might not be good for me, since I have knee problems, but they seem not to know, that running on unpaved roads and forest's path can heal the knees. Since regular exercise actually stimulates repairing of the knee cartilage, for example. I feel the knees start to ache if I take a few weeks off, not that I do, but some injuries demand rest. Knees are such a fascinating joint. Did you know that "The load distributed over the kneecap can be up to 5 times the body weight, particularly on going down stairs."? Mind and body function much better with regular doses of running ;)

Otherwise, this year was very interesting, taught me a lot. I participated in a sport massage course, got myself a massage table, got a new job (the pay is better, but it seems impossible to find a well-organized joby in healthcare system), moved, took up gardening and building. Started a big project and have a few more ideas up my sleeves :) But about time, Enya says it best.

For the end I'll share another video - Ode to joy; for some reason it has a deep impact on me, and I bite my lips not to cry every time I hear it.

A new year, a new day, holds a lot of possibilities, and it's up to us to see them and make them a reality. I wish things to move forward and start changing... and I'm wishing you a happy new year ;)

Poem: Rat Race

stock photo from pixabay

it's hard to begin, to explain

- to put it simply

when, how and where it all started

but most of all why -------- ?

why have we became selfish mirrors

putting all the importance on ourselves

always running the rat race with no goal

our egos hungry for luxury and power

our eyes blind and closed shut

so easily led astray, somehow comfortable

with our living -- like in a TV set

allowing this machine to continue the massacre

how can we live so comfortably with it?

how can we still turn a blind eye?

when it could be you on the other side

as if it's not in our interest to live in peace together

when will we clear our minds and stand tall

prove that humanity still lingers in our hearts?

have we buried our true selves too deep?

have we learned nothing at all?

*

Poem: Talk

After the rain of our imagination the leaves vanish

in the moonless darkness, away from sight, they whisper

can't count the nights spent decoding the stream of colours

sweeping inside my own skin, this life paints us

every possible shade and tone

to see the picture you have to listen beyond the silence

it's a shelter to let these written words speak for themselves

for we too often get lost in speech

we say less than we mean to say

and hope somebody received the message through

courage fails us or do words leave us?

we talk, yet who is still listening?

it's like speech has become a way

for us to admire our own voices

we talk and talk, yet we change nothing

our promises aren't followed by deeds

those who listened have become weary

anticipating the moment when we will

have nothing more to say

we like to argue about right and wrong

                justice and equality

but it seems too difficult to choose the harder right

are our real faces hiding behind the clutter

of old ideas, wishes, hopes and mistakes

have they nailed us to the ground

and we lay there comfortably

because we've given up on how it could be?

seasons and years give us opportunities

to improve and to change

and don't stand for less

sit down to talk and listen

about everything and nothing at all

dive deep inside

and bring back the real you -

and be raw.

*

Poem: Years weigh differently in the heart

fiery surface of the river shining against the blue sky

golden pathway leading through the forests

- dressed in the autumn cloak

you may not notice it at first, but mirrors disappear

in the light of the nature at its finest

shadows of buildings haunting the dawning of the day

and I keep on singing the old familiar song about aloneness

lyrics lay on the tip of my tongue, can taste it in a kiss

our history is soaked through and through with blood spilled

yet the oceans remain deep blue and green

of todays' blood maybe the next generations will speak

they will be the judge of the fools we've been

it's up to them to select the books they will believe

much remains unwritten and unsaid

death still scares us, we keep distancing ourselves from it

until it reaches somewhere close to our hearts

how many days do we have to spend

before they are worth something to us?

how do you count the years

when they weigh differently in your heart?

we prefer to value something when we start to lose it

how many paths will we discover

before we find the right purpose of our lives

and decide it's time to follow it

will we ever achieve everything we set our minds to do

or are we just chasing those shadows

of dreams long gone, the ideas

that keep on slipping away

soaked with tears and sweat

how long before you know the role

you were meant to play?

maybe the one you never would have signed for

can you still recall the feelings

of all the masks you threw away

having learned everything or nothing at all

striving to keep the picture together

the over-valued science of being busy,

successful, yet poor in original thought

in the long run, the question is

which memories matter most?

*

It's a coincidence that this poem came together on the threshold of my 30s, but it's influenced by the books I'm currently reading and the things I keep on pondering.

Poem: Reawaken

and so it goes…

years accumulate on you

you can tell it

by expectations society holds for you

when you look yourself in the mirror

do you see how many masks you shed?

meaning of old songs still ring true

there's a sadness surrounding -

those dreams you gave up

do you still hang on to fights long gone?

sometimes you feel like a winner

other times life knocks you down

no matter how far you go,

you can't outrun yourself

can you count all the reasons you gave

to excuse yourself

from the pressure of expectations?

they sell love as a piece of paper

and they put guilt on you, if you don't have it

pushing you to bring children into the world

even if they end up in broken homes

no one can know exactly how it feels

to live in your body,

 we are all alone

experiencing tastes in our own way

we pave our roads with our senses

with memories we create

and the future we build

like gardening -

things take time to grow

and patience for a good timing

everything grows at its own pace

bury your heart into the deep of the forest

hear the thumping of feet of the wild wolf inside

- your ancestors whispering in your blood

reawaken to the possibilities you hold

*

Poem: In Between Moments

waking up from sleep at 4 pm

thoughts hazy and black

can't put a finger on how long I've been away

feels like coming back from the end of life

pushing me out to do what matters most

there's a sadness all my own

can't explain how lonely it can get

how can we put time linearly

when measuring it feels like

putting it into a cup

some days seem to never end

and others they just fly us by

some moments stay close

and others go down in history

all in all, it's one big mixed cloud of the past

there's a beat coming from the earth

like warm, slow waves of the sea

embracing and calling us in

time is like grains of sand

slowly vanishing into memories

when you walk through

the forest of your reminiscence

you realize the importance

of choosing the people you live with

how they've coloured your days

different imprints they left in the heart

most decisions made are based on the feeling in the eyes

- how they steal

and give

and always speak the truth

how you think about yourself

makes all the difference

the way you carry your soul

either you lift it up to find home

or you suppress it from growing

night driving - miles rolling by

freshly you pick up where you left off

as you choose the next destination

and search for something better

hoping all this would change

soul finds home somewhere in between those miles

those long and heartwarming seconds

that we carry till the ends of the earth

and are only ours to know and experience

leaving a smile on our faces

*

Poem: Enough Care

I've been trying for so long to gather the right words

so it would sound the same in any language,

not to get any meaning lost in translation

everyone has a different understanding

with a different sense for right and wrong

the stories we capture create a ghost town in our lives

unless we make lessons out of them

people cross our path for a reason

under the spell of love it's so easy

to believe lover's lies, yet time

always reveals the right faces

and shows us the fools we've been

others may have seen it all along

and warned us in vain

you can't take back the words and the deeds,

only find a reasoning somewhere beyond the surface

our hearts fight bloody battles

yet they always manage to heal themselves

with enough care

it takes courage to watch the future unravel

free of fears and expectations

in any case, we've got a hell lot to learn

Poem: To find the human

Like a lost cloud in the sea of infinity,

with no connection to any place,

words trapped inside a bubble flow.

There are raging storms in this body of water;

waves rumble in the depths,

shaping the surface from the inside,

guarding pieces that have yet not been broken.

Constantly searching for the calm of rightfulness

Poet stands on the bridge between this reality

and what lays beyond the horizon;

baffled by all the possibilities, extending

dimensions of imagination, to open the eyes

in a world gone blind.

Who does it take to hear the song

of the tales that have long been unsung?

How many layers do we wrap our lives in?

So we can present this picture-perfect scenario

to the eyes of the world,

but loose our own sense of humanity;

What nurtures our dreams?

Living simultaneously as a part in endless stories;

Where do we find a place

to find the human in us?

*

Poem: Ought to Permit

these walls have claimed

a right to cling onto me

even if I'd run away,

they would find me

and hold me tighter

to contain me inside

we make copies of ourselves

throughout our lives

many roles you can take on

but always follow through

in the things you teach

we spend our youth

drunk on the idea

that we could live forever

we'd be the first ones

as things start to fly by

we look for a sign of stability

gathering universal truths

this world is full of promises

you can choose to believe

anything you want

but once the mind silences itself

for those who learn to wait

things fall into place

not as you wanted them to be

but as they ought to be

Poem: Stream of consciousness

note follows a note

like night follows day

rusty old piano

still ready to tell a tale

but I fear I don't know

the keys anymore

what will we

achieve in this lifetime?

I wonder who will walk

behind me, trying to finish

all the ideas I failed to create

all the stories I failed to write

all the poems I kept inside

it's easy to judge the past

when looking at it from the future

how it steals us from the now

the long hours spent

being locked inside

your own shell

ever noticed what thoughts

became a part of you?

how some words

became a comfort zone?

some evenings it pours,

pours down in your mind,

the things that could've been

the moments you could've lived

leave a different taste of the days

maybe find a way to best describe –

the rhythm of the hearts you miss

the warmth of a loved one in your bed

the scent of your newborn in your hands

the way you felt happy when you

stretched the limits of your body and mind

the freedom you find when you acquire the void

the constant yearning to hear the music

and just dance in this universe

of possibilities and dreams

*

 Sometimes you hear a song, and thoughts just pour out; it's that simple.