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Thursday, 25 September 2014

Poem: For me alone


                through the years
it's been a waiting game
which at times I believe I've mastered
yet it creeps up on me, unexpectedly
and every time it turns out I lose
      repeat, repeat
just to relive the same tragedies you feel
yet hope always burns stronger after the war
how can it rise up like that?
such a foolish mind it has
                 so much depending on it
when jobs are scarce and the future
you had planned has left only ashes
you hear voices of a foreign land of milk and honey
but you've learnt that grass is not always greener
                on the other side
under the covers I've been hiding for so long
the pillow became my best friend, an excellent
secret-keeper, yet I've been waiting for someone
who would want to hold my hand
                for a step or two
to be curious and courageous
since it's never easy, no way of knowing
so I pretend he feels the same way
some people have a way of dragging you out
                in the end, retreat, retreat
into my shell, which hasn't become
any more comfortable with time,
it still aches in the same old places,
sleep wash me away, for only in dreams
                we can live free
*
I really hate it when days like this come.. I'd rather sleep through.

29 comments:

  1. Is it loose or lose?

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  2. Nothing wrong with a shell, at least you are amongst friends.

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  3. Dreams are great but even better when the come true.

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  4. i'm unfamiliar with living in an empty shell. my being relies or at least chooses to share this existence with someone in spite ot the many sacrifices that must be endured.
    yes, and dreams, if pleasurable one's, would be my preference as long as i could recognize their reality.

    as you can see this nice write stimulates my 'ramblings'

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    1. sometimes all you have is yourself... even though one would like to share...
      ha, sometimes I wish I could exchange dreams for reality :) but only sometimes.
      and good thing that it stimulated your ramblings.. i like that :)

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  5. A beautiful and strong poem. I identified with the poem's 'character' retreating into a shell, so many of us live that way, not by choice but because that is our nature/personality.

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  6. Nataša I feel angst, pain and uncertainty in this poem...I do hope your dreams can give you some peace as you unravel this all and find peace. The shell should also help for now.

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  7. I like the way you expressed this, Natasa. You really allowed the reader to get into the mind of the narrator of this poem, to feel. Yes, a pillow is indeed a secret keeper, and it is good to be able to live free in dreams; and even better when dreams turn to reality....when the wait has been worth it.

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    1. yes, it must be a wonderful feeling... :)

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  8. Well captured/written. We all have those days.
    ZQ

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  9. we all need that special someone in times of distress who can help us survive and progress.beautifully penned.

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    1. and when you're alone it's only you who can help yourself. thank you :)

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. The hurt and disappointment are so very palpable in your poem. I understand and agree that the pillow does feel like a good friend and the covers a desirable shell. It is indeed very hard when what was planned does not take place and we have to replace it with a new future. Hope this happens soon.

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  12. I really feel this poem and remember years when I was at that place in the journey. That companionable hand will come, dear Natasa, and all will be as you dream!!!!! I promise.

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  13. A lovely piece of writing Natasa. I spend most of my time alone too; there are many of us. I can definitely relate to your poem.

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  14. so true. staying at home for the most part is all that you've described in your poem. only when one sleeps will one find peace and if lucky freedom from nightmares both while awake and during sleep.

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  15. yes only in dreams- true thoughts well composed

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  16. The shells we wear for protection often damage us more in the end.. not easy to cease the waiting game.

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  17. Wow. I love how you captured the depth of feeling during days like this. I think we can all relate. It's always nice to have someone's hand available, someone who can listen with sensitivity or just be silent with us. Hope these kinds of days happen very infrequently for you, for me too.

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  18. Yes. So I've become a hermit, a writing, spirit-filled, activist hermit who takes a lot of naps. Pets are great companions as are pillows, sleep and the walls of the shell.

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  19. Its best to hold hands with someone who doesn't mind being a pillow.

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  20. very touching. love the realism, all the details of life...the heartache, the bad things we sometimes don't want to see...like a failing economy. the last few lines sum up the mood perfectly.

    stacy lynn mar
    this is wonderful. reminded me of walking across my old college campus, watching life and fall unfold together.

    stacy lynn mar
    http://warningthestars.blogspot.com/

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  21. feeling a bit claustrophobic there in the end...the tight shell...always home yet always just a bit constraining.....our protection becomes our prison....

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  22. i like the emotions and angst in this strong poem.
    probably because i have been through that. :)

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  23. Touching write.. we all retreat in our shell eventually. I loved the line 'hope always burns stronger after the war.'

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  24. Beautifully penned.
    Touched a chord!

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  25. I love the name of your blog :)

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