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Saturday 22 February 2014

Poem: Crestfallen




what if it were us
crestfallen in a semi-ruined city
observing our fragile lives collide
lost the instructions on how to be human
burying chances which could've made a difference
how many times have we been here before?
roaming the abandoned valleys
a collection of dismal smiles
haunts the stones that once made a home
those hours shared under the roof
future contains possibilities
of our unwritten stories we hold inside
for doubt eats them raw
and we fear what our words might initiate
if the dust of the universe is ever-present
then why aren't our building blocks stronger?
*

17 comments:

  1. our building blocks are full of our own doubts as much as our dreams and possibilities...sometimes i think we are afraid of success as well...of what it changes too...because it does...

    did you mean to link this one at PU? the one linked is last weeks....just let mary know and she will fix it, if so....

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  2. Haunting poem. Certainly a strong set of imagination and words perform their coordinated act.

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  3. I'm happy to see you have also found inspiration from Kenia's wordlist on Real Toads. This is a unique, yet highly relateable view of life.

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  4. I think it would be the doubt that could eat away at the building blocks. A thoughtfully written poem, which makes me think about relationships.

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  5. Love the last question...and yes future stories inside us along with challenges ..what build our strength ~ thoughtful poem

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  6. Those two closing lines ask a rhetorical question that really makes the reader stop and think. Awesome write, Natasa!

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  7. It is good when the 'unwritten stories' finally get written, whatever the form. I too like the way you ended your poem.

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  8. Wow. This is brilliant. I am awed by the use of imagery and metaphors.

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  9. I recognize Kenia's word list and specially like:

    we fear what our words might initiate
    if the dust of the universe is ever-present

    Great weaving of words here ~

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  10. Natasa,

    Thinking back in time and considering that things might have been done in a totally different manner...Age or inexperience lead our actions...Superb poem:)

    Eileen

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  11. When self doubts get bigger chances are we end up weak to accomplish something good. Fears are ever present to everyone. It can break us, destroy us in a tremendous way,.sometimes, but the good thing is we are always in control if only we knew how build trust to our own self. Smiles. This is a thoughtful piece, Natasa. I have enjoyed it. Thanks!

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  12. thoughtful poem.
    i think this poem is about relationships, the intense imagery in your poem points me to it. :)

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    1. that's an interesting point of view.. not what i intended at all. thank you for bringing that up.

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  13. Amazing piece, loved the ending line how it ended with an open question!

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  14. The oldest standing structures in the world dot parts of Malta. They are over 5000 years old, even though they were probably made of native limestone. The world's most powerful cultures were forever using Malta for fights between huge armies and then leaving the place barefoot and pregnant again. All of this is concisely, enticingly portrayed in your beautiful poem. Have you been stealing book review updates?

    Also, I'd read once that the word Slavic derives from the era when eastern Europeans were enslaved by people of the Middle East. Imagine my happy surprise to find it's the same root as Slovenes, Slowo or 'well speaking', according to an Oxford encyclopedia. Is that a Brit accidentally praising Celts somehow?

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    1. the leading "inspiration" behind this one were actually current happening in Syria and Ukraine. I'd love to stand on 5000 years old structures! And no, I haven't been stealing book reviews :)

      The word Slavic can have two meanings, "word" - as those who speak the same language, or "glory". I've heard that some slavic nations were the first slaves. And slovenian language among many others, derives from slavic language. That's what I know, but I haven't read that much about the origins... there's probably a lot more things that would surprise me about it.

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