Poem: Age fools us

owl is howling into the deep of the night
date is changed within one second
I'm sitting on the bottom of your closet
your clothes hanging like dead bodies
while you lay naked on the sofa, asleep
the hot air plays tricks with the mind

I can barely remember how I felt turning twenty-two
                ---- my favourite number
spent it with strangers who were too eager to become friends
and you'd like to believe the fun will last
but it's no better than those birthday parties I had as a kid,
                when nobody showed up
feeling uncomfortable in clothes they made me wear
now I can't recapture the meaning a cake had

god is like a girl picking daisies
playing "love me, love me not" with our lives
we like to believe we change
but there are things we can't shake off
never being courageous enough to trust myself
                  with responsibility on my hands
always feeling like a first time playing the game
awkwardness in my mouth and my fingers
forgive me for always doubting, never trusting the words
and you use the sweetest one's which calm me down like a spell
I'll take you for a walk if you can listen to my silent thoughts

age carries prejudice into which we are fooled to believe
as if years shape all of us in the same way
as if we gain respect by mere number of our age
as if it really matters how old our flesh is
age fools us in a way and leaves no room for closeness
but I just want to sit beside you as you paint

*

And it's six years ago... Can't believe it's been so long. This morning the same images came into my head and I remembered this poem. It's included in my first poetry collection - Colours of the sea. How the feelings trick me, there's no timetable for them. I do keep my promises, and I will write another collection, I am working on it. But it seems it was yesterday when I published the first one. Comparing older poems with the newer ones seems like I've changed their "feeling" a bit. It wasn't intentional, it wasn't because I thought that the style wasn't good enough.. it's just.. the heart found new things, but it never outgrows the past..that's why I feel so nostalgic today.